The New Year Got You Feeling Pruney?

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“Meh”

I haven’t posted in a few days because my mind has been a stinking, burbling cesspool of negative mental energy and I figured I’d just keep it to myself.

I think New Year’s Day can be harder than people admit. What if you don’t feel eager, motivated and confident about the future? Even my favorite bloggers are bubbling with enthusiasm for the goals they’ve set, the ten pounds they are sure to lose and the sheer excitement to see what Jesus will get up to in 2013.

Me? I’m just…Meh.

And I’m a Christian. I’m supposed to be full of joy regardless of circumstances.

Today, Pastor Dennis nailed what I already suspected was the problem: I’ve run out of gas. I’ve gotten out of my routine and haven’t spent my regular time meditating on the word of God. I’m like a plum that’s dropped to the ground, and absent my connection to the tree, I’m shriveling into prunedom.

Well now, isn’t that a lovely corner to paint yourself into? I got addicted to Jesus and now if I don’t get enough of him I’m a mopey, shriveled up mess. There is no Before Christ available to me anymore.

Making matters worse, I am reading Behind the Beautiful Forevers, a book about life in the Mumbai slums, which makes for feel guilty for whining because I have literally NOTHING to complain about.

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Thanks Dennis!

But from time to time when I can’t figure out how to act, I remember to look at the gospel and find out what Jesus did. It helps. Today, Pastor Dennis pointed us to Mark 1:35 wherein Jesus got up before the sun, alone, talked to God and waited for direction.

Can it be that simple?

Yes, it can. I know because for two years, I got up at 5:30 and spent two full hours reading the bible and praying before starting my day. That time was arguably the hardest period in my life, yet this practice held things together like a good pair of spanx.

It is no different now. It’s still about practice and without it I get sloppy. Like Dennis said this morning, God is just waiting for me to stop freaking out and lock eyes with Him, so He can remind me what joy is, and how to do it.

I know I can’t do this without God, yet, amazingly, I still try.

Sometimes the New Year isn’t about grand gestures and plans; sometimes it’s just about setting the alarm.

What About The Hypocrites – An Excerpt.

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter Five of Going To The Sea. It’s called Leroy.

…So maybe it isn’t all my fault, I fashioned a version of God I liked better than the one peddled by guys like Leroy or the cable news hosts who bluster on about America’s Christian heritage and then tell their guests to shut up on tv. By my second month, on the porch with my bible, I discovered, the things I find infuriating about religious hypocrites, infuriated Jesus as well.

For example, many people, even non-Christians, have heard the story of the woman caught in adultery, because it includes the famous scripture:

Lucas Cranach d. Ä. - Christ and the Adulteres...

Lucas Cranach d. Ä. – Christ and the Adulteress – (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”

In John chapter eight, the woman was brought by the Pharisees – the Jewish religious leaders – before a crowd to be stoned to death.  It wasn’t a trial, because she’d been caught in the act. Incidentally, no, the man with whom she was caught was not dragged in with her, and yes that’s galling, but welcome to the Nation of Israel in the first century.

The woman, the scripture says, was in that dangerous position because the Pharisees were using her to catch Jesus violating Mosaic Law – something they were convinced his teaching did. Remember Jesus was a Jew, people called him Rabbi and under the law of Moses, adultery was a crime punishable by death.

“What do you say Jesus?” The Pharisees asked him.

Jesus knelt and wrote in the dirt with his finger. When he stood up, he said, “let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” Then he bent down and drew in the dirt again. One by one the crowd dropped their rocks and dispersed until only Jesus and the woman were left. Then Jesus stood up, looked at the woman and said,

“Where are your accusers? Has no one accused you?”

“No one,” she answered.

Then Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go on your way and sin no more.”

Jesus didn’t ignore what the woman had done, he clearly called it sin and told her to knock it off, but he didn’t ball up with a bunch of buddies and throw rocks at her either – even though the law required it. It was the Pharisees who wanted to throw rocks, but they couldn’t because Jesus called them hypocrites and dared them to prove it.

It’s a lucky adulteress who meets Jesus in a crowd.

How many times have I objected to Christianity because “Christians are hypocrites?” But read the story again if you must. Jesus extended mercy when the law required death. He called the Pharisees hypocrites, nobody called him one. Even though the Pharisees were pious and observant, they were merciless and very unlike the God they tried to represent.

Because I never studied the Bible, I didn’t know who the Pharisees were or that they created one of the gospel’s great ironies.

I, like many people, accepted the news peddled by the Pharisees of the 21st century. So each time one of those peddlers got caught stealing money or in a hotel room, I’d gloat and think, “See Christians are hypocrites, therefore Jesus is a fraud.” That is a common but bizarre logical failure, made by people who are clearly not looking at Jesus, but rather at his chronically flawed human followers – even well-intentioned ones like Leroy.

That approach will always deliver cynicism and heartbreak because the Bible doesn’t say a decision to follow Jesus immediately transmutes our bad behavior. In fact, some translations say, once we surrender we are “impregnated” with God’s divine nature. Pregnant women will tell you it takes lots of nausea, bloating and many other things to give birth to a happy baby, but mostly it just takes time.

So are Christians hypocrites? Absolutely. So are Jews and Buddhists and Muslims and Wiccans and Vegetarians and Evolutionists and all the people who call themselves “spiritual not religious.” That’s because hypocrisy is endemic to the human condition. It is a failure, the Bible says, Jesus came specifically to address.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly.

Yesterday, I received a rejection letter from a company to which I have applied for five different jobs.

It was a Christian company.

The first time they didn’t hire me, I wondered if they found me online and didn’t like my “brand” of Christianity, because they never even called me back. In the weeks that followed, I found myself pulling punches, editing myself into something they might like better, just in case they looked again. Reading those drafts, which thank God I didn’t post, is painful. My voice is fractured, boring and meanders all over the place.

I made myself into someone I’m not, so someone I don’t know would like me. Guess what? They still don’t.

Maybe it’s just the economy, but the point remains: I am useless to the world if I am lying about myself. I have learned from reading The Bible that I shouldn’t be domineering or offensive or aggressive, but do have to actually like who I am and not apologize for it – a topic I mulled over in yesterday’s post.

So I’m a Democrat and a yoga-teacher, and a thinker and a skeptic, who’s in love with organic farming, food politics and Jesus; and I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive. Watering any of that down to be palatable to everybody, just makes me bland, and that, I think, is an insult to God.

Photo: TPSDave

Photo: TPSDave

That’s the problem I had with Christianity forever. I believed I had to be a pious, churchy version of myself, and hose down the fiery parts that actually fuel the things I care about, like girls from poor families
sold by the busload into sexual slavery. Lots of religious folk trade in such phoniness, but Jesus does not.

In the gospels, Jesus prizes poor, marginalized women and will happily put my energy into their service, if I allow him to direct it; and surely the mind behind the aurora borealis can be trusted to handle that.

I believe there’s a juicy sweet spot in America populated by tons of people who would delight in the gospel if they actually could hear it, but if what they hear first is hell, the Law and a six-day creation, they’ll keep rejecting all of it and never know what good news the gospel really is.

So today, I’m changing the tagline on this blog to: Going to the Sea: A Sassy Democrat’s Guide to Faith.

This is who I am. Who are you?