Why Should I Give Something Up?

February 13, 2013February 13, 2013 / Erin Kirk / 13 Comments

Sitting in the truck outside the auto parts store waiting for Captain Dilly Dally this morning, I sat quietly, holding my coffee cup, considering what I might give up for Lent.

Lent is a 40 day period of sacrifice, fasting and preparation for Easter that’s meant to remind us Christ’s own sacrifice. Despite wearing a smudge on my forehead every Ash Wednesday for 16 years of Catholic school, I’ve never not blown off Lent.

“I’m giving up Christmas parties for Lent this year, ha ha ha,” was a popular joke in my family that reflected a bit of disdain for Catholic rituals.

But these days, I feel like I am asking for a lot from God, so is it really that outrageous to offer a sacrifice in return? I make sacrifices for Captain Dilly Dally all the time just to express my love and devotion to him, why is Christ any different?

But whatever could I give up that I’m really attached to? What do I really love that would hurt me to go without? My fingers curled a little tighter around my still-warm, roadie cup, grasping it, clutching it like my precious.

(Photo credit: 5.0OG)

“No no, not thaaaaat Jesus, I can’t survive without that.”

On the ride home, I explained Lent to Sam (aka Capt. DD).

“You should give up coffee then,” he said confirming what I kind of already knew. “And honey, I don’t mean this bad, but you will be a bee-otch without it.”

Annoyed, I suggested he give up dropping f-bombs for Lent.

“Think of how fun Easter will be for you,” I said.

Just then, Sam hit the brakes and swung over to the side of the road to pick up a guy holding a gas can. We gave him a ride to the gas station, then back to his pickup where his brother, an amputee, was waiting.

See it’s one thing to talk about Jesus all the time, it’s another to live like him.

See you Easter Sunday Starbucks.

On Skipping Church to Honky Tonk.

January 25, 2013January 25, 2013 / Erin Kirk / 12 Comments

Skipping Wednesday night bible study to dance around in a Deep East Texas honky tonk as Jason Boland blows your eardrums out, is not what some people consider super holy behavior.

But for me it was perfect.

See, I’m no longer keeping Jesus in a separate, holy box and busting him out on Sundays. Nope. I’m letting him have his way with my life – all of it. Since he’s the one who made me love good songwriting and live music in the first place, I think my delight in those things pleases him.

I don’t know that I was worshiping God during the show, but I don’t know that I wasn’t either. I was just being myself and enjoying the life Jesus died to give me. Because I’m starting to understand how free I am in Christ, I can toss out the holy checklist, acknowledging that God doesn’t love me more at church, and less at a concert.

He tells me he loves me because I’m one of his kids, and that makes me love Him back. It makes me want to serve Him and do what I know pleases him. Wood County Cowboy Church is part of that equation, and that’s why I go. Church helps me, but so does live music.

So…

Let Israel rejoice in their Maker let the people of Zion be glad in their King. Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with timbrel and harp. For the Lord takes delight in his people. Psalm 149:2-4

Just to be clear, I’m not encouraging drunken honky tonk prowling. That’s silly. I’m advocating for joy and the freedom to become the best version of the exact person you already are.

Sometimes my joy overflows at church and sometimes when Jason Boland sings. It simmers when I’m on the tractor, making hay with Sam in the Rocky Mountains. I nearly drown in it, when a former meth addict at the LA Dream Center speaks of her restoration at the hands of Jesus.

And when I take time to sit quietly with my Lord, it wells up and spills out of me right there in my chair.

We were built for this. Where do you find it?

There is No Magic Wand – Only Fire.

January 24, 2013January 24, 2013 / Erin Kirk / 8 Comments

Galata Tower – Istanbul

The other night, while surveying my life and repeating my new favorite mantra “WTF am I doing,” my sister called. She was en route to JFK to catch the redeye back to her home in Istanbul. When she asked what I was doing, I said I was thinking of getting in the bathtub with my toaster.

When I started following Jesus like I meant it, I wasn’t banging my head and squirming under existential pressure all the time. In fact, several of my ducks fell into a quick and tidy row and I saw some inexplicably graceful things happen.

My cash + needy people = Demonstration of God’s provision.

My prayers + rival = A surprise easing of tensions.

My mouth + God’s word = Encouragement and joy.

Little victories like that were the C to my A+B. So naturally, I expected them to continue and grow in volume – especially as my obedience and faith grew. I’ll just keep working my righteousness and God will give me what I want. A+B=C.

Sorry baby doll, it doesn’t work like that. And BTW…your righteousness is like filthy rags, Isaiah says.

I think one of two things is happening:

a. I’m in a refining phase, growing up a little. God is burning off the old rags and rubbish that are cluttering up my yard, while increasing the difficulty of my math with equations like this, that are so far over my head I have no choice but to cling to him for solutions.

b. I’m just blowing a gasket.

Ugh, maybe I’ll cut and run. But where?

Just before Jesus was crucified some of his followers deserted him. Jesus remarked about it to Peter. Are you going to run too? He asked. Peter replied:

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. And we have learned to believe and trust and we have come to know that you are the Holy One of God, The Christ, the Son of the Living God. John 6:63

Later that weekend, Peter denied ever knowing Jesus.

So even Apostles are unequal to the task. There is no magic wand. Following Jesus requires equal parts grit and stamina, humility and surrender – an unusual combination in humans. I want my life to leak love and demonstrate the grace of Jesus to people who don’t believe in him, but at the moment, I’ve got a raging grease fire in my kitchen.

Ironically, the only place I can find to cool off, is deep in the book that started the fire in the first place. Peter, who was later crucified upside down, says I should be happy about that:

Be exceedingly glad, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1Peter 1:7

I know it won’t last forever, it just feels like it.